I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
