I heard we made out
Betty ford says i'm here all night
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
