nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
