Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
