Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
