**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
