Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
