i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
