So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
