That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
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After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Let's get the cat blown out
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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