Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
