how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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