You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
