I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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