After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
