I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
