idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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