On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
