This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
