I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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