think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
