You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
