he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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