I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
