Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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