Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
