how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
