she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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