Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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