Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
