she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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