New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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