I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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