My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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