note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
