He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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