Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We had to coat check the pizza.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
