Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize