I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
