Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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