Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
should my penis look like a turkey
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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