i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
