just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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