So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
