I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
