you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize