believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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