That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
