i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
