I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
