How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
