Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
