im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
