guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
