he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm getting married
To pizza
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
its liver damage thursday
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
