so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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