Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
