I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
