I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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