I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
