we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
