I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
