you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
