so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
