dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
