Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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