Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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