He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
