I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
