Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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