I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Rumble strips road head = magical
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
