This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
