I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Ladies don't puke and tell
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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