remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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