Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sorry my hands just texted you
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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