i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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