ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
