Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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