franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
